Don’t want nudes leaked? Don’t take nudes. Don’t want to be robbed? Stop owning things. Wanna avoid being killed? Buddy, quit living already!
"Guy A" I had hooked up with in June at orientation was becoming stalkerish. He was everywhere I went, and even if coincidental, he wouldn’t leave me alone when we saw each other. Last week, a Dave Franco look-alike, Guy B, is hitting on me at the local college bar. Please and thank you. Except guy A cut in and nearly fought guy B. After a few shoves, I tell guy A to fuck off but have to turn guy B down since the "let’s go back to my dorm" still freaks me out. I’m a prude at heart.
Luckily, we were able to exchange numbers and occasionally snapchat.
Couple days later, super hot and intelligent guy talks about his angle on Socrates in Classic Political Philosophy. I am only able to see the side of his face and his back, but holy shit he is hot. Next class, he has a printed map of the earth shirt. Later that night, guy B snapchats me, same shirt. Turns out that was the same dude… I just hadn’t recognized him in the light of day. Having that conversation over snapchat was rather awkward but hey, whatever. At least he was actually attractive.
It’s better to be f a k e, can’t risk losing in love again.
Marina and the Diamonds - Girls
"Look like a girl but I think like a guy
Not ladylike to behave like a slime
Easy to be sleazy when you’ve got a filthy mind
You stick to your yogurt
I’ll stick to my apple pie.”